To say that I'm a "thinker" is a vast understatement; I'm an "over thinker" of the worst kind. Simple statements made to me can have me picking them apart for hours, days and even longer! I love people hugely and unabashedly. I spent a lot of time in my younger years, trying not to be noticed, until I realized that "HEY! Maybe someone needs or wants to hear what I have to say too"! Frankly, at this point, I tend to say things whether or not it's needed or wanted!
The point of this particular writing, is attachment. I get attached to people very easily. I am very sentimental and very thoughtful. Have you ever wanted to have that friend that would remember you said you like blue elephant pencil toppers (or something just as random) during a conversation 7 months ago and surprise you with it for your birthday? That's me. I have a knack for remembering birthday's and other small details about people that honestly I have to keep to myself sometimes so I don't sound like a psycho!
I tend to dive into friendships with both feet, lol, I'm kind of like a puppy, I'm just so happy to have a friend and to be a friend that I so very often overlook painfully obvious signs of being used by people. I help too often, I give too frequently, and I care too much, at least this is what I'm told by some. I get my heart broken sometimes.
It hurts when a friend moves on without you. Especially when for years they were as close as family. I try to remember that God sometimes puts people in our lives for a season and not for a lifetime, and that the lessons to be learned may not be something that was for me but for the other person, part of me prays that I was a helping hand and not a stumbling block for them, the other part of me is in pain. I also try to remember that when God takes someone out of our lives, we need to let them go. Too often, we try to hold onto something that isn't what God knows is in anyone's best interest. I feel like it's when we're kids and we want to touch that red thing on the stove, mom says it's hot, but maybe we just need to see for ourselves, so we reach out and touch it and we get burned and realize that mom was right! She was trying to look out for us, but we had to get hurt to realize that if we'd listened to her we wouldn't have had to go through that.
The part of me that misses my friend still gets a stabbing feeling in my heart when I see some of those old pictures or think of some of those hundreds of memories. We went through a lot together, and the optimistic, happy puppy side of me thought we'd be friends forever. I'll get over it. Don't roll your eyes! I will!! I'm sure in some way I will always miss my friend, I don't know that I've ever had a friend like that, nor if I ever will, or for that matter, if I even can again.
I can still have friends of course! I can be a GREAT friend!! I AM a great friend and I will help too often, and give too frequently, and care too much about my friends! Because that's what friends do! But I won't forget the friend that took too much.
I learned again in the last few months that Godly forgiveness means forgiving a person even when that other person didn't say they were sorry. It's very true, it's VERY difficult to forgive at all, especially when the person you're forgiving isn't apologizing! But, again, I was reminded in last few months that when you hold onto bitterness or anger it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I am surrounded by wonderful, God-loving, God-fearing, amazing, people. I don't think there are enough adjectives to describe them! They pray for me, they encourage me, and they are my friends. We laugh, we cry, we talk in funny voices, we comfort, we console, we grieve and we worship together.
