Fathers

I've been thinking lately about fathers.  The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.  In my circle of friends and family I've seen all of the above.  This post however is not to offer a critique I guess but more to ask a few questions and state a few things that I don't understand.

I don't understand a father that is uninterested in his child(ren).  Or a father that uses his children as leverage or as bait. 

I understand the basic principle that it's rooted in selfishness and a desire to put self above all else, and I get that mothers (usually) are wired differently, but maybe it's my experiences with my own biological father and some fathers around me that have me scratching my head.

Do absent fathers or "barely there" fathers understand what they're doing to their kids?  I'm kind of torn on this one, on one hand I hope they don't know because it's just painful to witness, and on the other hand, I hope they DO know, because they should know what they're causing.  Being "abandoned", "forgotten", "dismissed" or "rejected" messes with a kid. 

When your dad is supposed to pick you up at 3 and he doesn't get there until 3:30 or 3:45 that matters to a kid.  When calls don't come, or holiday gifts are "lost in the mail" or visits get constantly rescheduled it matters to a kid. 

Children internalize things; the fact that their dad is late, to them, may mean that he's late because he doesn't want to be there.  And that may not be the case, but generally speaking, if you want to be somewhere, you usually bother to show up on time. 

I know that when I was a kid, it was so important for me to please my father, because I was so sure that the first time I did something wrong or displeasing, that he would disappear from my life again.  So I would bend over backward to act the way I thought he wanted me to.  I was a much better behaved person, more cooperative, less sassy than I was at my house. 

In my mind, it was ok for me to be snarky and ill-behaved and "teenager-y" with my mom and dad (step-dad) because I knew they weren't going anywhere.  They loved me unconditionally and proved it over and over again.  I was unsure of my father.

It pains me to write this because even though I am well into adulthood, the sting of rejection is still there.  I wonder if there is something I could've done better, something I shouldn't have done, or if I just wasn't the daughter he wanted? 

But I do know that God works everything out for His glory and I have a wonderful dad, I had the worlds greatest grandpa and I have a Heavenly Father who loves me in spite of my failures.

In my circle of family and friends, I am surrounded by families that have AMAZING dads!!  There are divorced families, single moms, step-families, and everything in between.  There are dads that make me want to scream and cry and generally I just grit my teeth. 

But then I see dads like my husband, who is everything I wished for a father for my child to have.  He takes time for our son, he talks to him and with him, he teaches and guides, disciplines and instructs, he is a parent first, and then a friend.

I feel like I pretty much rambled through that, and I hope it made sense.